The possibilities are endless. Who am I? What is my character? Who will I be when….
How do we find the singular in the exponential? How do we see ourselves in the hall of mirrors? Diving into the bottomless pit of possibilities, how do we stop the fall that never ends?
My perception on this I owe, in part, to the Human Television. Weird? You have no idea. This was the theatre world after all.
At a fundraiser for a student run theatre production in East Vancouver, this artist was hired as part of the entertainment. In a white jumpsuit, gloved and hidden, he stalked the crowd. His face, caked in silver makeup, peeked out of a tinfoiled box made to look like a TV set on his shoulders. He was a Human Television and he entertained his audience with comments on current events.
It made me sad. Like, sick sad.
This was an artist who had a vision and clearly went to great lengths to share it! I thought how sad that he would die probably never being honoured for his passion as he quite possibly craved (yes, that was judgy, not my best moment). Watching him spun me into an existential crisis. Was I, too, an artist throwing myself onto the world audience only to be dropped, not carried, into success and acknowledgement? Would I join him as he faded into the hellish obscurity saved only for passionate, misunderstood artists?
I don’t know where he is now. But regardless of success, he has not faded into obscurity. Fifteen years later he’s still with me. He taught me, in the wake of my existential crisis, what it meant to share and be brave. For in as much as his art didn’t speak to me, HE spoke to me. The lasting impression of the work lingers on. The wisdom in the experience that he created changed me.
If you want to be brave, if you want to stop falling, if you want to find you…
- Listen. You cannot recognize yourself because your sight is clouded by a world of distorted misconceptions and skewed perspectives. Close your eyes. Use your breath to calm, then listen. Perhaps you’ve been looking for the person you wish you were. The rest of us are waiting for you to be you.
- Stop asking for a definition. Stop looking for a look, a character, or a face to put on. Being a definitive “You” is over-rated. Ask less about definitions because we are not so easily defined. Within this spinning atom of self is the nucleus, the center of gravity, YOU. Feel the heart, sense the pulse, follow the current, gather the strength. Seek with your passion, follow your intuition, act on your wisdom, create something worth sharing, then project the passion! Do it all with love. And be honest.
- Once you have that honest sense of self, listen to your Dream. Don’t strangle it, beat it, ignore it, manipulate it, abduct it, judge it, or kill it. Some dreams aren’t bold and brash. They may not be loud and resilient. So listen carefully.
- Then follow. Just be prepared to go somewhere you didn’t plan. Be prepared to change as it does. You may, at first, want the wrong things for the right reasons. Eventually, you’ll figure out the right thing. You just need Time, the thing we don’t feed our dreams. We starve them of time instead of allowing them to mature and evolve. Whether a dream is big or small is no matter. Have many! Jack Layton said to always have at least one dream that’s longer than your lifetime. Perhaps that could be your Why.
Let’s get one thing straight. You are the event not the experience (I really wish I remembered who’s quote that is). Bring the event! Don’t judge yourself because you worry about the perception of your work. That’s not your job. “How dare you rob the audience, yourself, and the play of your impulses!” berated Neil Freeman, the force of a man who was our Shakespearean coach and acting teacher. And he was right! How dare you rob the world of your dream and your individuality! Even when no one understands your vision, you may be creating an experience for them that can change their life by shifting their perspective.
How dare you not?
P.S. I would LOVE to find out what the Human Television had to say about the American election right now. I’d pay good money for that.