We are all concerned with our children’s development. But it is easy to let certain tasks of parenting slide when we can’t see the direct results of our endeavours. It is easier to let our babies stay babies than do the hard work of teaching them how to grow up.
Here are some easy and fun ways to prepare your child for their future. These next posts will highlight some important tips for parents with toddlers, children, and preteens to help prepare them for the workplace. Even if your child doesn’t have a job by the time they are young teenagers, volunteering opportunities require many of the same skills.
Five Important Things to Remember:
- Communication skills are key. From the interview to workplace functioning, communications skills are essential for creating a healthy environment and promoting career success. The foundation of communication is built upon the principles of connection and participation that must be taught early.
- Focus, manners, listening skills, and respectful behaviors can be taught. No matter how shy, quiet, unruly, passive, active, or brave your child is, they are going to go to school. No matter how painful it is to pull two words from them or encourage them to focus, they will still have to work. Anything you can do to best to prepare your children will be rewarded in time. This is not about changing who your child is. It is about teaching them tools to balance their innate gifts for future success. It may not happen by kindergarten. But by high school these lessons will pay off.
- How you teach your child should be responsive to how they learn. “But I’ve told them a 1000 times,” you say? That’s nice. It would appear that telling them is not teaching them (trust me, I and millions of other parents have tried that). If you told them and they didn’t learn, you need to find another way to teach.
- We remember what we do more than what we hear. It follows that children are more likely to do what you do more than what you say. So how do you best teach your child? Do as you would have them do. Be their role model, every day. And children will learn faster at play. So let’s play!
- Doing your best should always be in your child’s best interest. You have years to do this. So be gentle with them, reward effort, acknowledge accomplishments that come from effort, and give the unconditional love they need. But keep in mind if you don’t teach a child to walk they will figure it out on their own. If you don’t teach them to make eye contact, use their manners, or treat others with respect, they may never. These skills aren’t necessary for survival but they will contribute to success. By rewarding them with positive encouragement from a young age for their connection and participation you are well on your way!
Seven Tips for preparing your toddler for the workplace:
- Name feelings. With a vocabulary to communicate comes less frustration and less disruptive behaviors. Always reward them by listening and validating their words. The worst thing you can do is dismiss it (“you are not frustrated”, “you have no reason to be upset”) or ignore it (“I don’t have time for this. Mommy/Daddy is so busy right now”). What about, “I understand why you are upset. If I wanted that toy, I’d also be upset, too. But we are not buying toys today. Need a hug?” (and for goodness sakes don’t buy them the toy). By the time they reach elementary school they should understand the words angry, frustrated, sad, upset, hurt, confused, and scared.
- Articulate, articulate, articulate. Whether you are using a “baby voice” or not to delight your child, you can always articulate. When a child learns to speak, delays in articulation are expected. When should you try to teach your child how to speak more clearly? Now. Baby talk should be worked on every single day. It’s not a judgment. There should be no name calling. There should be no should. Just a constant effort to teach. You’d be surprised at how what is ‘cute’ today becomes a problem to address by educators tomorrow.
- Discuss voices. A person doesn’t need to be loud to be heard. Getting someone’s attention requires using clear words at the right volume in the right tone. Discuss which should be used in which space. For example, point out the differences in the ‘You and Me’ voice, the ‘Outside’ voice, the ‘Big Room’ voice, and the ‘Small Room’ voice. Let them play with volume. Giving names to the voices will help them know which one to use in given circumstances. Tone is also important. “That voice (whining, screaming) hurts my ears so that I can’t hear you. Until you use your small room voice I won’t be able to understand what you are saying.” Reward their effort even if they don’t get it perfect. They are just little guys, these lessons take time. An excited clapping from you when they make a small improvement goes a long way.
- Use animal sounds for diction. I taught my son his r’s by playing a game where we roared like a smiling lion. His gorgeous, big lips were always in the way. Problems with articulation are usually about mechanics of movement. Watch as your child’s speech develops. If you have played animal sound games since they were little, they won’t think much if you play games where they have to hiss like a snake to improve their s’s. Teach them how to move their tongue and their lips. If you sense some underdeveloped muscles are the cause of poor diction, start making monster faces as a game to stretch and contract facial muscles. And make it fun! They won’t even know they are improving their diction.
- Never neglect the power words. Manners. Manners manners manner manners manners. It is not educator’s jobs to teach your children to look someone in the eye, say thankyou. Every no I said to my kids was a “no, thank you”. Our kids knew the worst travesty in our house was to talk to us or each other disrespectfully. This is a hard job for parents because we are tired. Pulling a “Thank you for dinner, dad” or a “Thank you for driving me to soccer, mom” from your child every day is exhausting. Do it. Polite people are listened to, welcomed, and embraced making their chances of gaining acceptance or having advantages more likely. At this early stage of development, a thankyou that sounds like gibberish or a smile or even just eye contact is a great start (feel free to discuss that theses connections with some strangers, like the server in the restaurant or the clerk in a store, are ok because they are with you). Shy children will take longer but with positive support and modeling, they too will learn to say thank you in a restaurant, even if it is quietly. Very shy or anxious kids can begin with non-verbal communication (a smile or pointing) before words.
- Chores (insert smiley face here). Let’s be clear that chores for a toddler will be “our chores” not “their chores”. Have certain chores, like putting toys away, putting the dishes away, or clearing the table, be part of your daily practice. Even if they put one spoon in the dishwasher after dinner or a just few of the toys in the basket, praise them and remind them that it is great how you are doing this together. Working together peacefully, knowing what has to be done to finish a job, knowing how to communicate and discuss roles in order to complete a task, and taking responsibility are important lessons. Awareness of what is their responsibility is huge. This is the beginning of teaching your child to take the initiative. Don’t leave that lesson to their first employer.
- No ‘NO’. Blocking is a theatre sports concept that is a fabulous teaching tool. In short, an offer or a suggestion should neve be met with no. It should be met with “Yes, lets!” Learning to listen to another person’s idea, incorporate it into a plan, and execute it an amazing skill. As a parent, teaching children delayed gratification by compromising is one way to demonstrate this. “I’ll play cars with you, after we clean up,” instead of saying no, I’m too busy to play. Perhaps when playing an imagination game with your child, you could take an active role that your child has to follow your ideas as much as you follow theirs. Teach them how to compromise, how to build ideas together, and encourage participation from others. Model the concept of “Yes, lets!”. “Look at what we did together!” is an exciting thing to say (but, by all means, say ‘no’ when you mean ‘no’).
Let’s say it again. Communication! Participation!
Independence is important. However, the years when your child is dependant on you to be physically near for their protection are the best years to teach them, both by instruction and by example. Giving your child independence in certain tasks before they have learned the task is counter productive. Don’t forget to give them tons of hugs as they struggle to learn.
Good luck! Have fun! Love this time with your little guys because I find myself staring in the stubbly face of our teen and at the new angular jaw line of our pre-teen realizing how fast that time went. As I admire them with pride, I know that all of our hard work was worth every single minute.
And remember, teaching them that their voice is important will not only empower them to be the star in their own life, it will help them build the confidence necessary to influence the world. Building a future that reflects their values will be a blessing to all.