Why I’ve stopped saying, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Because it makes me frustrated. 

Frustrated that we get shoved out of the driver’s seat and into this Driving-Miss-Daisy sort of escorting-the-incapacitated situation.  Frustrated that we would dismiss the fact that whether or not our choices led to this moment, inherently our choices can get us past it. 

Whatever the ‘reason’ is, if it is divinely inspired, I don’t think you or I are remotely capable of understanding it.  I know that what seems bad may turn good.  And what is good may turn bad.  The big picture is probably so far and beyond our human capacity to understand, that saying with certainty what that reason must be would be arrogant. 

I do believe that in every situation, good and bad, there is a lesson that is within our capacity to understand.  

So what helps me get back in the driver’s seat?

1. Try not to see the event through judgement of the situation.  Decide to not focus so much on whether or not it was meant to happen.  Challenge that idea if it makes you feel you deserved it!  Know that there is, however, a choice to be made about how best you can move forward.  That is what you have control over.
2. Focus on your objective.  Know that ultimately this moment can change you.  Decide that it will move you towards becoming a better person or making this world a better place.
3. Don’t always trust others to know your reason.  What will make this moment yours, singular, personal, a valuable part of your story?  Just because this happened to others doesn’t mean it was for the same ‘reason’.
4. Think you know the reason?  Challenge that too.  We are only human and see through our own perspective.  An unhealthy perspective will rationalize a non-constructive ‘reason’.   Seeing the world as sending answers in the form of signs may only reaffirm what you want to hear.  And that may not be best for you or your world!

So stop relinquishing control to the unknown.  Write your ending to this chapter.  Give yourself a cliff-hanger or wrap it up with all the feels you can imagine.  Take control. 

In the end, this is all semantics.  I believe words are powerful.  Saying “Everything happens for a reason” and “There is a lesson in everything” is kinda the same thing.  And if saying “Everything happens for a reason” gets you through your day then say it!  But don’t turn your life upside down to affirm the words that were made by mere human beings.  Know that our words limit us as much as they free us.  Trying to make a ‘reason’ out of a horrible situation may become counterproductive to your well-being.

When life shows you adversity, you need to go to the root of the moment and discover the choice that’s being asked of you in order to move forward.  Decide to make a lesson out of whatever comes your way.  You are the teacher.  You are the student.  The world only provides the problems to work through with which you can then exercise your beliefs.  Stop guessing at the reasons the universe has challenged you.  Instead decide what you’re going to make of it.  

 And make it good. 

Sorry I haven’t written for a while.  I’m neck deep in writing a series of books.  Midway through book two and I’m in love with these stories.  I hope I have something to share with you in the future!