In a world of ‘not enough’, you need to hold on to the days when you are enough.
The day I barely had the coins to get the bus from our rented apartment to UBC to train all day, rehearse all night, and earn an academic degree somewhere in between. As the teachers commented that we all looked awful, some teared up over how tired they were. I just smiled a pig-in-poop-happy-smile thinking that there was nothing better than this. I had nothing. But it felt like enough.
The day I had our first baby. I was red faced, anaesthetic riddled, c-sectioned (botched surgery #1 required surgery #2), and sleepless. But I lie there in the moonlight watching MY CHILD sleep to the soft rumbles of my exhausted husband’s snores thinking everything was perfect.
The day I counselled my anxiety ridden, tearful, little boy. I coached him and cheered him on, hoping he would make it through yet another first day of school. The morning of, when I asked him if he remembered what we’d said he replied, “Yeah, when I’m scared I’ll think of you.”
The day that came when I’d finally had enough time behind me to see the pattern of life. That day I asked myself, “Why do I worry? Why do I doubt?” It always works out ok. I thanked every grey hair and new wrinkle for representing that life. And I thanked the universe and all the souls that I’ve loved that were gone for teaching me to be thankful that I had more time to enjoy the revelation.
Those days I felt ENOUGH were days that instead of telling the world who I was, I just did what I do. I was the person that I always wanted to be. I knew it beacause my children told me what my parents told me, what my teachers told me, what my husband told me. I felt like an idiot knowing I needn’t have tried so hard. I was there, all along.
You are a puzzle piece. You must be yourself fully: corners and edges, right sides and wrong. Or else you’ll never find where you fit. I dare you to admit you know who that person is. And I dare you to act on it. Stop planning it, announcing it, or taking selfies of it. Remember the moments in your life you felt like enough and be that person every day. No permission required. You are enough. Just do what you do.
Starting now.